THE RECKONING BEFORE THE RESET

Some professionals find themselves in the same conflict over and over again—different boss, different title, same outcome. They stay composed until they’re accused of being cold. They speak plainly and are told they’re abrasive. They hit every benchmark and still hear they’re not “a good fit.”

Eventually, something deeper takes over—frustration that isn’t just about the job, but about the pattern. And from that space, the hardest and most transformative question begins to surface:

“Is it me?”

Not as self-blame, but as self-inquiry. As the willingness to examine how their own habits, tone, or defenses might be shaping the outcomes they keep reliving.

One of the things I had to work on personally was my delivery. I was frank (I always have been). I value directness, especially when time is short and the stakes are high. But over time, I started to notice that what I intended as clarity was being received as criticism. What I thought was efficient came across as dismissive. I wasn’t ashamed of being direct. But I realized I could be precise without being sharp.

That recognition didn’t require me to dim who I was. It gave me the chance to adjust—to say what needed saying in a way that could actually be heard. And that changed everything.

The question Is it me? doesn’t always have a clean answer. But it helps provide a direction.

Some professionals use it to identify the behaviors they’ve repeated and the roles they’ve unknowingly played in creating their own roadblocks. Once they see the pattern, they have a choice. Not to contort, but to calibrate, to refine without erasing, and to grow without losing ground.

“Is it me?” When this is asked with courage, it is the beginning of self-leadership.